I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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