..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
