He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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