If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
