Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
