I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
