you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
