It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Holy sore nipples Batman
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
