Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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