Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
