so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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