just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
