You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Randomize
