i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
