i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
