I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
