This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
