I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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