I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
