There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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