and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
