dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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