I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Randomize
