maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
