marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
