We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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