I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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