I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
