like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
