That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
