Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
