hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
