I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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