I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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