She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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