false alarm. still invincible.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Randomize
