i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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