hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
