Apparently you make a good broom.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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