...so i touched it.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
