and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
