You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
