I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
