If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
