My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
