I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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