You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
