I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
