At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
My ATM looks so different sober.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
