These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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