I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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